Because there is Beauty: An Apology

So...I previously prayed a prayer for the people closest to me that, in hindsight, may or may not have been a bit too harsh. As I sat writing that prayer out, I was in a place of coming out of some hard lessons in my life and so, was merely looking back with fondness on all that I had come out of. I could see that the pain I had experienced was worth the lessons and truths I was receiving and was empowered by the promise of a fresh start. What I hadn't planned on was the inevitable time when troubles would again find me and I would be forced to, put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. So I don't take back what I prayed for you all...I'm just sorry for all of our sakes that for some reason, this is the only way that we learn, unfortunately!
The great thing for me about going through hard times, is that I get all existential and try to figure out the meaning of life and all that that encompasses. In general, I like to beat the dang heck out of the horse in order to get every last inch of truth out of the lesson so that I never have to do it again. This desire for preemptive strike has not really guarded me from circling the same mountain time and again, but it does make for some interesting conversations with the people closest to me and between God and me too! So this is what He said to me last night as I was driving home from Stephenville, TX while I was asking some of those ever illusive "why" questions...
Because there is beauty in having, there is beauty in losing. Beauty because having the thing was sweet and good. And beauty in the promise of having another.
Because there is beauty in hope, there is beauty in despair. Beauty because hope keeps us holding on. And beauty because despair shouts to us that there are things worth holding on to, otherwise the loss of them would not grieve us so.
Because there is beauty in life, there is beauty in death. Beauty because all life comes from Him and so all life is for Him. And beauty because death is not the end and does not have the final say for in all death is the promise of new life. Just as winter holds the secrets of spring, the end of one chapter is the beginning of another, and we are told that in order to gain eternal life, we must lose ours in Him, so we know that all death intrinsically points to rebirth.
The problem for most of us is that we want only to find him in the beauty. We don't want to see the beauty and promise of the brokenness around us. We see only what we have been trained to see and not what really is. Therefore, God is not skewed in His intentions and treatment of us, rather, we are skewed in our image of what goodness is and so, will never really understand Him unless we pick a different vantage point. And so, I will not be happy when He corrects me, or uses tragedy to teach me, or takes what I want from me...but I will rejoice in the fact that His heart and intentions are noble and honorable toward me and therefore, I will rejoice in the promise of where He is taking me, not necessarily where He has me.
So, my prayer was not wrong, it just fell a little short...I pray, not only that you would struggle and hurt and be lonely and heartbroken etc. I pray that because of that pain you would draw near to Him so that those times would become bearable. I pray that He would speak to you in those times, that He would grow you and that you would understand Him in a way you never have before! Again, sorry, because this still isn't going to be easy or fun...but the truth and balance of it is the sweetest thing I have ever known!